Sunday, December 23, 2007


Which business card do you favor? Leave your vote in a comment. I want to know what you think.
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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Out of the woods (for now)


Jazzbit aka Mo came through. Here is a picture of him with me putting a warm compress on his throat. You can see from the picture that it makes him feel better.

Nonetheless his prognosis is not good. His bloodwork from early September indicated left dorsal colon scarring. His weight is dropping steadily and being ill did not help him. But I'll take all the time I can get with him. Vet says he needs feeding every six hours around the clock with corn oil for extra fat and that is about all that can be done for him.

More later.... lots to do today (as usual).
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Sunday, December 9, 2007

Strangles


I don't know how to begin. Last night and today when I could snatch a little sleep I had nightmares about it.

Odin¸ the little shetland pony (his eyes look funny because of the faulty red-eye removal algorithm)¸ brought with him the disease aptly known as "strangles." It has ripped through our farm in the last week. You can see from my previous posts that Katie was struggling. She eventually needed an emergency tracheotomy and is now in the hospital in Milton.

In this picture you can see that Odin has a discharge from his nose. Far from routine "shipping disease¸" this illness developed very dramatically. First¸ Odins's nose got runny¸ as you can see. Then¸ I noticed a slight swelling between his cheekbones underneath where the head & shoulder connect. Then the swelling got worse and worse¸ as you can see in these next few pictures.

I had no idea at all what was going on. I had never in all my horse days seen this kind of swelling. I wrote to Odin's previous owner¸ who said to give him some antibiotics and not to worry about it. But within hours of receiving that email I had gone online and had begun to suspect that this pony had strangles. I isolated him and waited for Monday. He looked terrible¸ but was still managing to eat and drink and had no trouble breathing.

Several days later Odin looked both worse and better. He looked worse because he was dripping blood from underneath his chin¸ but he looked better because his mood was better. His lymph nodes had opened up on the outside and begun to drain on their own. I took pictures.


It was just as bad as it looked. This poor little pony had never been handled but I tried to clean his wounds. But it was way too scary for him to let me poke around. The vet also tried and he surprised her by rearing up and almost broke her nose.

That was only the beginning.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Katy hanging in there...

Here are a few clips I took later this evening.











Poor little Katy...

Judith--this one is for you. I wish I'd had better light¸ but I'll try again in the morning to get a good clip of her for you. Tonight she's breathing more noisily but holding her own.



We made applesauce yesterday. Here is the first movie and the next blog entry will be the second one.
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Applesauce!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Magical Moments at Chiron's Grove Part I

Odin is a tiny white Shetland pony with blue eyes and an earnest, well-meaning expression. Looking at him is sort of like biting into a coriander seed when you didn't expect to: a little odd, a bit strong, but actually, you kind of like it.

Unless you're Cocoa. He attacked Odin as soon as he came into the herd. Note that Cocoa is tall and long legged; little Odin's back is lower than the bottom of his stomach. He ran fleetly away across the meadow as Cocoa bit and kicked him¸then made a sharp turn and Cocoa, trying to make the same turn, lost his footing and slid along on his side in the wet grass. After that Cocoa still chased Odin whenever he came near the herd, and bit him a few more times, but he had a little respect. Odin continued to use his agility and brains to get away from him.

Odin is completely wild at the age of two and a half. He hasn't been handled before and fears trickery by hands. Obviously he doesn't have hands and neither do any of his friends. His only experience of hands is that they dart out from behind buckets and grab one by the head and drag one onto trailers for terrifying trips into the unknown. So after a little while, when Odin started looking sore and tired from being chased by Cocoa, it became clear that he needed to be in a different space. We had to come up with a plan.

"We" in this instance is Danny, Mikey, and myself. Mikey put on his snow suit and snow boots and gloves, Danny put on his winter coat and his boots and his hat, and I put on three winter jackets, two layers of riding pants, wool ski socks, my warmest boots, a woolen head band, and my leather fur-lined gloves. Over them all I put my riding slicker. It was pouring rain and very cold, with ice on the ground.

Mikey trudged up to the top meadow first, then I did, and finally Danny came along. Little Odin was off in the farthest corner of the meadow looking lonely. We were armed with carrots and I had stuffed a lead rope into my pocket. Goat followed along.

We walked over to Odin. He ran away.

Cocoa chased him back and bit him again, hard, leaving a mark on his side.

Odin assessed us, I suppose because his risk from Cocoa ran pretty high and he had to make a choice of sort. He looked at us, as he stood there all bedraggled and blue-eyed in the rain. I don't know if you know--Shetland ponies are quite shaggy. A white shaggy coat almost never looks white--it looks dirty. This was true in the present instance, so what a pitiful little guy Odin was as he turned his bright blue eyes on us.

Danny held out his carrot. Odin reached out his nose. Danny held still, and Odin took one step towards him to get at the carrot. Danny snatched at his halter with his other hand and missed as Odin danced away and circled back, holding his head high in alarm.

He avoided us all for a while after that, coming in for a look and darting away as soon as anybody moved. I tried a method that works in enclosed spaces, to wit., "walking down" a horse. I trudged after him whenever he moved away, and when he got close I held out my hands so that he knew that I did intend to capture him. I offered the carrot when he had the courage to turn around and sniff at it, but also held up my other hand so he knew that the price of the carrot would be allowing me to take hold of his halter. He didn't think this was a good deal, so this phase of things lasted long enough that Mikey trudged on home again through the rain, waving at us from the top of the driveway before clumping home the rest of the way in his boots. Danny stayed around, and as I trudged after Odin Danny stood absolutely still no matter what Odin did, only occasionally offering him some more carrot if he got close. At last Odin decided to take his carrot, and Danny very wisely just let him have it rather than trying to snatch at him again. Odin dropped the carrot after one or two crunches and bent down to get it out of the grass, with his body well within Danny's reach. He slowly put out a hand and touched him, then scratched his neck and shoulder. Odin didn't move away from him.

After a few minutes of the two of them forming this connection I tried to move into the friendship space but Odin again darted away. The magic had happened, though. He was no longer actually afraid of us, and eventually allowed me to touch his rump. And again. And finally, stood still to enjoy some nice scratches, even as my hands went all over him and up closer to his head, where Danny was giving him some more carrot. I scratched his side, then reached across him to scratch his other side, then scratched along his neck and gently took hold of his halter. He knew that was going to happen eventually, I guess, because he made no objection. I pulled the lead rope out of my pocket slowly (he noticed this too) and snapped it onto his halter. When Danny and I turned to make our way across the meadow to the gate and then down the driveway to the house, he simply stayed by my side and needed no tugging.

Odin had joined up.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Lyme Disease

I'm just a little bit astonished right now. I just came home from the dr. diagnosed with Lyme Disease! Follow the link to see what the rash can look like and what Lyme disease is. Mine is on my stomach. This is my lucky day--and possibly Magic's. I stopped by Patina (their store) to let Magic know that I got the tick on a ride we took together. She wasn't there but Allen was. He wanted to know what the rash looked like. I showed him and he said "Magic has one just like it." He looked chilled. When I left he was getting ready to call her.

I paged Marc because Mikey has flu-like symptoms and a swollen lymph node. I'd like for him to be checked out. He doesn't go outside that much but neither is he indoors all the time and I'd just like to be sure he doesn't have it.

So now antibiotics for two weeks and I'm fine. What a good thing it is that this rash showed up. Some people get the disease without ever getting the rash and then it takes a really long time to diagnose.



More about Dante

Days later he is about the same. His stomach hurts him unless he is on pain medication. Eventually this will bloom into a real colic and he will need to be put down.

This is different from Sunny's case. Sunny was fine and healthy with occasional stomach pain and then one day just went down. Dante has chronic stomach ulcers from too much bute--a pain reliever that has helped him with his joints. He's in a catch-22 now; if I don't give him some kind of pain medication he is in too much pain and if I give him pain medicine then his condition gets worse.

The only thing that could help him would be a very expensive druge ($1000 for a one-month course). Even a trial of this drug would cost $250. The vet wants to scope him to see what's actually going on in his gut.

Dante is dying. A thousand dollars might keep him alive and then IF his joints are not painful he might have a good life. If his joints are painful then we will not be able to give him anything for the pain.

Two vets say this is the end of the road. I haven't talked to the third. I need to do put in a call to him.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Dante

Now it looks like Dante isn't feeling well. He's lying in his stall and drowsing but sits up and looks at his sides every now & then. Occasionally he gets up--or at least did. Just now he seems very determined not to get up until he himself is good and ready. And all he wants now is to be still and not to exert himself.

One vet thinks he's reacting to the regular bute dosage in combination with whatever caused the strange blood levels they found indicating some kind of intestinal trouble. She has recommended putting him down in the past and hinted that this might be the time.

I dreamed last night that a mountain lion was attacking the horses.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Le Grand Chemin

I think of this movie every day when we do our own grand chemin. The Great Parade. Life.

More later--out of time already.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Idiosyncracies

Katie takes a bite of food and then points her nose at the sky while she chews and swallows it.

Harry doesn't want to be haltered and clicked to a lead rope unless I want to lead off somebody else.

Cocoa can't resist having his neck scratched down near his shoulder.

Bella's two front feet look like somebody switched them at birth.

When Dante is frustrated, he puts his head out of his stall and turns it sideways and works his jaw. It looks like he's yawning sideways.

Goat always walks in front of me when we all go up or down the driveway. He acts like he's leading, but really he is just trying to figure out where I'll go next so he can get there first.

Mikey hates to be told to come out to the barn to help, but always enjoys himself when he's out there--provided that he is warm enough.

Danny loves to hold up a big stick to protect me from Goat. This is actually necessary, and I have the bruises to prove it.

Mikey rode Bella down from the pasture today.

Danny built us a fire tonight, which was good because I had to switch off the emergency switch on the furnace because it was sounding funny. Our only heat tonight is the fireplace here in the living room.

We took Liza, Jake, and Daniel home from the Waldorf School today. We went to get our pumpkins only to discover that Gabriel and Michael had used them for target practice. I was mad. Gabriel said, "Well, doesn't it help to know that we had a great time shooting them?" Argh, the young!

Lucy had a nice juicy bone tonight.

Mikey fell asleep on the sofa with the fire warming him. Is anything nicer than that?

Danny is reading a good book (The Lost Years of Merlin), and laughing out loud sometimes. We are both sitting in front of the fire and it's getting late. I'd say that ranks right up there with falling asleep in front of the fire.

Saturday, November 3, 2007


Scotland's Golden Moon Beam
1986 - November 3rd, 2007
The best guardian we could have.

I wish you'd had more time, sweet stallion, to be happy. Bless you forever.
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Disturbance

Sunny doesn't look right.


Being Evaluated

Johanna is wonderful. I had to go to Brattleboro today to interview for the third time with a psychologist who is doing a "forensic evaluation" to come up with some kind of recommendation for where the children are to live. But I left Johanna with Mikey and I knew that he and she would have a great time together. She is cheerful and clear and very good at getting children to do what she wants them to do. She took wonderful care of the children and then when I came back we both drove them to South Burlington to drop them off (much I can't say here, particularly about a strange reaction she got for just going to Marc's door), and then we came back here and went to the barn to soak Dante's feet. There we chatted and chatted and chatted. I love chatting with Johanna. It was sad when it was time for her to leave.

About being evaluated--it's a bit like court. I don't want to think about it and I don't want to describe it. It's over. I did the best I could and I was my genuine self. Hope that's enough.

Tired... so tired.

Note to self: call the vet and find out why putting "Coppertox" on Dante's feet makes him look like he wants to walk away from them. The vet said it would be good for him but the impression I'm getting is that it hurts or stings or something. Need to check on that.

More to write; too tired. No shooting stars tonight but a clear path through the Milky Way. Will ride tomorrow with Magic (Bella's owner and a great riding companion). Then cleaning all afternoon to get ready for the potluck on Sunday evening.

Everybody says don't give up on grad school

So tired.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Court

These are brutal experiences. I have heard that trauma is relived over & over. So are divorce court appearances.

In broad brush strokes: the judge is angry that I don't have a lawyer; he didn't want to hear any details at all about anything; he awarded us $3000 child support; he told me to quit graduate school.

That's it. I don't want to think about anything else. I want to hide somewhere from the images in my mind of the grinding wrath of a judge who wants his lunch.

Thank you to everybody who called and showed support. The best thing you can do for us right now is to have faith in us. Let us think it through and make our decisions. I am so glad you are all out there. More than you can imagine--we are happy not to be alone while we reel from all these changes and try to figure out how to live.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Busy day not over yet

No... I'm home from office hours and it's 8:10 pm but Dante needs grain and he needs his feet soaked in hot salt water for 20 minutes.

Those 20 minutes are good, usually. I carry the steaming, salty water in a bucket from the house and I always stop to look up at the sky. We may not have a lot of sky here at Chiron's Grove, but what we do have is very pure and lively. I have seen so many shooting stars since moving here that I have begun to make categories for them in my mind: the quick and fleeting, the large and slow-burning, the vertical, and the arcing ones that go from end to end of the sky... like mushroom hunters, I look for the star-watcher's delicacy, a long, arcing, slow burning, ball of a shooting star that goes from one end of our enclave to the next. Every shooting star is a blessing on our place; one like that would be a magnetic wish-catcher, in my mind proof that my children will be showered with happiness all their lives.

Then I pick up the steaming bucket and trudge to the barn where almost certainly a light is burning, left by yours truly in the early morning hours because I hate to leave Dante in a dark stall. I set down my bucket and plunge my hand in to test the heat. If I can hold my hand in it, then Dante will leave his feet in it. Lately our new furnace makes slightly less hot water so usually by the time I get to the barn the water is the perfect temperature. I hear Dante's slow munch munch munch on the hay. He doesn't stick his head out of the stall because he is happy with his hay. If he were not happy, he would put his head out and turn it sideways and stretch it as far outward as he could and yawn over and over to express his frustration with the fact that he, Dante, has not had his grain yet. If I scratch his ears instead of giving him his grain he will press his forehead against my front (and his forehead is as wide as I am), pretend to enjoy the scratch, then nudge me right off my feet and halfway across the aisle. I try to convince these horses that I am as big as they are, and usually I succeed, but occasionally they remember themselves and take advantage of certain... inequalities of stature.

But he is quietly munching at foot-soaking time. I open the stall door and lug the big bucket in with two smaller buckets. I say "Hey, baby," like we are both caught in the 70s, scratch his withers and then lean against him to shift his weight, lean over, and ask for a foot.

If he feels okay, he will adjust his footing to compensate for having only three to bear his weight and then lift the foot. If his other front foot is very sore, he will offer me the sore one first. Then I go around to the sore side, accept the offering and put it in the bucket, setting foot and bucket carefully on the ground. I walk back around him, lug the steaming hot water bucket around his rear legs (he would only kick me if he was delirious), and pour the water carefully around his sore hoof, waiting to see if he finds the water okay. Usually he does.

Then it is the waiting time. I sit on his hay pile (he tolerates this with the equanimity befitting the well born, and sometimes nudges me wholesale off a particularly delectable wisp of hay). I have taken care to dress warmly enough that I will not fidget, and I settle down in company with all the other times I have waited by animals, sitting on their hay piles, from the earliest days at our farm when I was a child and snuck by the sheep into the hay rack to the times when, an older child, I sat and watched the sheep and ponies to learn about them, to the times when, as a young adult, I found peace and comfort in the munch munch munch--to now, sitting by Secretariat's great-grandson's wise, well meaning, enormous brown head and looking at his peaceful, trusting eyes.

And that is the best time of all, sitting there with no reason to move, thinking about... nothing. Really. I watch and I absorb, and I cease to think. The great animal's consciousness absorbs me in a peaceful, all-knowing state of harmony with all about, so that any slight thrum of change jars me from this state of completeness and comfort.

Some nights no such jarring events occur. Even if they do, from within our sense of comfort with the universe, anything jarring just bestirs me (us) a bit and we expand our consciousness to enfold the change--usually a child's voice--and let it pull us on to our next new awareness.

But now, of course, it is time to go out and do it.

Another busy day...

Sometimes I wish it would all s l o w d o w n. What would it be like if the world decided that each second and minute were double the length that they now are? Do you think we would all feel as rushed?

Anyway--up this morning early, helped the kids get ready, then off to take Danny to school and to watch his Halloween parade. He was very handsome in his Obi-wan outfit. I got some good pics to post (soon). He walked around talking to people and smiling. He is having a really good time this year. Unimaginable relief!!!!!! Danny is finding a good groove at school!!!!!!!!!! I think it is this new teacher and the fact that they have finally laid off the hand-writing obsession and let him learn without having to funnel his responses through handwriting. He has lots of support from the adults in his world, too. Plus he's now officially in the middle school.

Okay, then off to the barn to get a load of hay with Michaela and Acoy (bless them both for helping). On the way home talk to Danny's dr. to report the good news of how his year is going. Then back to the farm to talk to the furnace guy and to unload the hay, then half an hour to check email and update this blog, then back out the door in 10 minutes to go to Mikey's school to help with handwork. He will be finishing his lion today! I can't wait to get a picture of it here on the blog.

Many funny animal stories to tell. Matt has a rooster in the chicken coop that we can hear crowing in miniature--I mean the crow is very high pitched and sounds like it's coming from a 6-inch high rooster. Yet whenever I open the door, all I see are this massive meat birds staring up at me waiting for food. They won't crow while I'm standing there, but my guess is that Matt really does have a 6-inch high rooster that scoots under one of the bigger birds whenever I open the door. Then they all gaze up at me, like, "What....?" in the same tone as that wolf in the bed in the first Shrek movie.

Anyway after handwork I have to go do a bunch of errands for court tomorrow (ugh), then up to UVM for my office hours (note to self: take the laptop) from 4 to 7. I will try to work rather than socialize (ha). After that I come home and ... and ... no, not rest. Keep getting ready for tomorrow (ugh). Then read myself into oblivion in the bathtub with my glass of wine and then rest.

The boys are trick-or-treating tonight in Marc's neighborhood. Mikey is a red ninja. They're both very happy that today is finally Halloween. I just hope that the candy stays at Marc's house. It's the first time in quite a few years that Marc has had them for Halloween. At first they were disappointed to be doing it differently and that I would miss their full costumes, but I think they've accepted it and will find a way to have a good time anyway.

Last night Jeffrey and Daniel were here for dinner. Daniel had babysat while I went after a few equines that were out (Harry the donkey and Coco the Tall). I rode little Katie (the Black and Happy) to bring them home while Daniel hung out with the boys. You know, I do wish that the horses never got out, but quite honestly it is about as good as life gets to be on a horse riding out to bring other horses home, and then to be a part of the herd as it gallops towards the horizon to get home. Those moments are so full of happiness that the glow shines all over my life for days.

...and now it is time to go. Hope I don't smell too much like hay... Note to self: check the mirror before leaving the house.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Our location

This is the view from our window. You can see our goat--"Goat",--and our dog, Lucy. The view is from our living room window on a rainy day. The paddock behind those two animals often has a horse or two in it, and often Harry the donkey as well.



Here is another view of Goat. He wants to come in.

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